On a new trajectory

I'm trying to help myself be positive by writing blogs about good things at least a couple of times per week.

Today, I got to run before walking my dog. It felt great - and even though it was a gray, rainy day, I managed to pick a window of the afternoon where the sun peeked out from behind the clouds! During my run, I made plans for a fantastic supper (sweet potato/black bean burrito with dilled sour cream and home-made salsa; spinach; a little cottage cheese dessert). And I made plans to start a big surprise for my husband when he comes home this weekend. Part of that surprise is highly dependent on the weather, though, so I'm keeping quiet about it (plus, he might actually read this?! I don't know if he even knows that I still have this blog, or even if he's ever looked at it.) Also on my run I saw several middle schoolers (track team?) out running. They were FLYING and looked like they were having a lot of fun together. I love seeing active kids having fun!

And speaking of having fun, I'm officially helping to organize a screening of a new comedy in my home town! If you live near me and want more information, contact me via facebook or email. I'm hoping it comes together soon. I'm looking for a good laugh.

Another cool thing was that my dentist's office called. Since I've recommended her to 3 people who have subsequently started being her patients, she wanted to give me an electric toothbrush! (The first 2 referrals landed me movie tickets and a target gift card.) I already have one though... so I guess I have some other fun thank-you gift coming to me?! Wow! If you live near me and want a great dentist, let me know! Not because I want more gifts from my dentist, but because, YES, she really is that great of a dentist.

All those "roses" of today far outweigh the "thorn" of today: grading projects. And I'm not going to dwell on that any longer. I'm going to turn on Pandora music and plug away in hopes that I actually make progress today.

low points

I have made choices to be where and who I am: in school (and being successful in classes and in research), a teacher (with a fantastic reputation! I have my first graduating student this year - preparing for her senior recital... so exciting!), a member of a vibrant congregation (off all committees for now, but still involved with hymn-leading and part of the social network), 1/4 of a women's quartet (and we are really starting to have FUN!), a dog-owner (who else would keep me company when B is away?!), a friend (who can get by without them?), a runner (I need it for my sanity and sanctity...).

I also made choices to be in debt: buying a house (hello, 30-year mortgage!), going to school (the area between my chin and my shoulders is VERY valuable! still hoping to pay it off with the talents of my voice...), supporting my husband going to school (3 weeks to graduation! then we can start paying down that debt for real!), and living outside my ideal budget for the last 4 years while B has been not working.

There are some things I didn't choose. I didn't choose to be vulnerable to depression (oh, neurotransmitters, how I will always fight thee for balance). I didn't choose for my body to reject plans I made (like losing weight). I didn't choose to have an addictive tendency (I am beginning to consider myself addicted to food... that's a dangerous enough addiction for me). I didn't choose to have food sensitivities (coffee/caffeine, sugar, dairy, corn, ....).

I DID choose to over-commit myself this semester. I TRIED to stay balanced. But I think I just got burned out. Thank goodness the end of the semester is in sight, and I can take a breather for two weeks after that. It will be a VERY WELCOME breath of fresh air. I can almost taste it. And I WILL come back refreshed, invigorated, and ready to dive in again to the commitments I have made to myself and my communities.

Another postcard from chimpanzees...

There isn't anything going on with chimpanzees in my life. Or postcards. But maybe there WILL be postcards in about 6 weeks...?! At that point, I'll finally be able to have a little escape from my "normal" (abnormal?) life.

Some things really don't seem relevant. Some things really don't seem fair.

I slept through my alarm clock this morning. 2nd time in a week. I heard the 1st alarm (5am), but woke up 75 minutes after my 2nd alarm, having been enjoying the movies of my dream-time... wish it was more memorable. Actually, I wish my life were like a movie. I keep thinking about re-making my life - so that I feel like an actress all the time (in terms of my appearance - put together, confident, full of poise and vitality), so that I take time to breathe, ... but other things get in the way. Like waking up late - that kind of puts a damper on making sure I look great when I have 20 minutes to walk the dog and get to the bus. Bummer.

This is not very coherent. This is more for me than for the world to see anyway... so much I'm not ready to share fully, but I don't have time to write by hand. I DID make a promise to myself (yesterday) to take time every evening to reflect on what was good/life-giving about my day. Really need to start recognizing the blessings in my life - because I'm getting too far down again.

I have been feeling sorry for myself lately for a lot of reasons. When I hear about other people's circumstances, though, I try to remember what they are dealing with...

-significant others who live a 2-leg flight PLUS hour-long drive away (my husband will just be 45 minutes away)

-people who live in Abidjan (Cote d'Ivoire) who cannot even leave their home today because of violence... I am lucky enough to be able to walk outside alone pretty much at any time of day and feel reasonably safe.

My life isn't so bad. In fact, it's pretty good. I just have to embrace the challenges and focus on the positive.

Sights of the Neighborhood

Today I took a nice long walk after my (late) lunch, with Fante. It is a nice gray afternoon, pleasantly warm - a light jacket is required, but no sunglasses. I think I earned my Vitamin D today.

Fun things today:
1) I took time to veer from the sidewalk/path, to take Fante down to the lake. He was a little leery of the water as it lapped against the rocky/sandy "beach" (it was all of 10 feet long) but he was alert and attentive to the shifting mini-waves. And he was adventurous in climbing through bits of sand and over rocks!
2) A group of ~10 middle-school-aged boys passed us near the community center. One of the boys called out, "I like your dog!" Yeah. My dog rocks. He even wins over cute-loving middle-school boys. Not many dogs can do that.
3) Just after that, I saw two birds kind of fighting in mid-air. It looked like it belonged in Harry Potter or something. I've never seen that before!
4) Jon Stewart semi-impersonating Glen Beck (Thurs, April 7 episode) AND Jamie Oliver being interviewed in the same episode?!? HI. LAR. I. OUS. It was fantastic.
5) Amazon rocks too. Just by being a student (having a .edu email address), I get free shipping. I just bought an important SAS textbook - and "supplemented" the purchase with a Sword of Truth trilogy (to take the 1 I haven't read yet with me on vacation NEXT MONTH!!), and pre-ordered a new movie (click here. for information and to see the trailer!).
6) A good friend suggested that I use my imagination more in life. Sometimes, she puts on a cute apron, heels, and lipstick while cooking dinner and pretends she's in France. I think I'm going to have to devise new ways to imagine myself in a more exciting place in the coming months, with the dear husband preparing to live separately from me while I finish school (his new job is too far from home for him to commute from home, and too far from my school for me to commute. bummer.). I'm thinking of covering my windows with New Zealand landscapes... and that prompted me to change my time zone on this blog to Auckland. Baby steps...

Time to work...