Listening

So I've been listening to my school colleagues over the past 4 weeks. We've sung for each other in Master Class and in Diction class (and will continue to do so throughout the next two years in various capacities). I am so amazed at the level of artistry that so many people have. There are people who, in their first year of a Master's of Music in Voice Performance, have what I consider to be a professionally full and rich sound. Already. I wouldn't be surprised if they could win roles in opera auditions if they went out for something in Chicago or New York yesterday. Even some undergraduate students have incredible, rich, full, and well-connected and well-placed voices with amazing expression. I wonder, hearing them, what they hear in my voice - and what my professors hear that allowed them to accept me into the program!

I'm not saying that I feel like a horrible singer, but I know that I don't have a huge voice (even though it's gotten a lot bigger, and a lot more solid, over the past two years). I don't expect to ever make a living doing opera, but it would be nice to get paid singing oratorio, or for weddings (and funerals?), or in churches, and to be part of an ensemble that gets to play concerts at least once in a while. I'm thoroughly enjoying learning music of Buxtehude and his contemporaries in my "Collegium Musicum" (early music ensemble) class - I feel comfortable with the repertoire and my voice doesn't get tired singing it. I hope that I can strengthen my voice to do operas in small venues, because it's so much fun! My internal reactions to hearing my colleagues, though, make me question whether those things will feel "enough" for me. I like to feel like I'm at the top - I'm kind of used to it (maybe not always in music, but in general I've always had a sense that I can do more and be more than the average person... and I feel like that sounds horribly arrogant, and it feels that way to admit it, but I don't feel like the arrogance is a part of that sense - it's just how I think I'm wired). So will I get enough satisfaction from singing the things I love to sing, even if it's not what most people in the world will ever appreciate listening to?

The musings continue...